Functioning Under an Illusion
Content note: Describes a psychiatric hospitalization and depression.
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3 min readThis chapter can be read aloud to you — a quiet, unhurried voice, nothing added to the words themselves.
It's easier to lie and say "I'm OK" than to explain how I really feel. I'm tired of pretending. When will I finally be able to say what's wrong and get the help I deserve?
I've been here twenty-four hours and it feels like things have gotten worse. Disrespect and negativity are the two things that trigger me. Some people take my kindness as weakness. I want to be left alone, but I hate solitude. What is that?
I keep looking at the clock. I want to come out to a new city, a new number, a new life — nothing that reminds me of the last sixteen months.
I want to overcome any mental issue I have. I want to help people, most importantly the Spanish community, understand that mental health is one of the most important things in life. It's OK to ask for help. It's OK to take a break to get yourself straight. Fuck what others say — let them call you crazy while you're getting help.
A reflection
What would you say if "I'm OK" wasn't an option?
The Library and its companions are not therapy, medical treatment, or emergency support. If you are in immediate danger, contact your local emergency number. In the US you can call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.